8/17/20 - trying again

so this year is gonna be especially interesting considering ill be taking my very first AP classes, my girlfriend will be entering college, and, of course, that one thing that everyone fucking talks about that i dont want to talk about because its so cliche to talk about it.

its gonna take some hard work and dedication, as well as a lot of organization and preparation, and i got no time for procrastination or masturbation. something id recommend to get fired up for a hefty workload is to watch a show featuring a very driven and sedulous character. that shit gets me so fired up.

been thinking about streaming and games. ive decided it just takes up too much of my time. im not saying im quitting or anything like that, but im putting ideas regarding aim training, or ranking up, or streaming a certain title, or playing a particular game for so many hours on the backburner. theyve never been back there, and i suppose that could be because of how easy it is to tell myself that playing games has no consequences and it's something id like to do. neither of those are the case, since streaming video games has become less and less appealing to me over time, and i have many other interests id like to pursue.

i've come to find i spend a lot of my time pacing and thinking rather than learning and acting. that is still something i have trouble with and want to work on, although im not sure how. perhaps ill start a functional schedule. that would be greatly beneficial to me. i put a lot of things off because i "have time later," and i do, but when something has no deadline and you keep putting it off, it will never be finished.

ontop of everything, i need to start making money. well, i dont need to, but sooner or later my moms gonna make me get a real job, which will eat up a considerable amount of my time. ive been meaning to start services on fiverr or find clients who need video editing, but ive always been so uncertain how reliable the income would be, and unsure how i should present my service. along with that, i dont have that impressive of a portfolio either. but with this extra time away from games and sooner deadlines and pressure with school, maybe ill figure something out.

tl;dr: 

1. put games and streaming on backburner

2. make schedule

3. be productive

4. maybe do games again if i can find time

5. ?

6. profit

6/27/20 - time for me

hey.

i havent done this in a while. ive wanted to start blogging again as a means of organizing my thoughts and ideas, as well as the possibility that someone like-minded could be reading. or someone interested. hello, interested person.

i used to have a little vent journal in the form of a google doc, but i deleted it recently. its not the type of journal id like to keep nowadays, and i dont agree with most of the stuff i said in it.

so this ones gonna be a little more free-form, too. not sure what to expect here. just some rambling i guess. don't expect any good writing.